Since good things never last
by Sweetheart From Hell
Summary: Castiel is cast out of Heaven, finds Dean, and learns about being human, and that good things do happen... but they never last. AU, set a few years after s5. Slash, Destiel, sexual content. Don't like, don't read, ok? Incredibly long oneshot. Enjoy!


**So, here's my first Destiel fic! I've been reading a lot of fics with the pairing lately, and I find myself increasingly obsessed with it… So, here's my attempt. It's AU and set after s5, so if you haven't watched it, don't read it. I follow canon until the end of Swan Song, but there are a few things I ignore, like that Dean never goes to Lisa, and the final scene doesn't happen. The only thing borrowed from s6 is the civil war in Heaven.**

**And there are some warnings: It's Destiel, and therefore M/M, and it's rated M for a reason. Also, character death. And swearing. So if you dislike one or more of the above, I suggest you don't read this. But if you do approve, I hope you enjoy!**

**Also, I have no idea if there is an Arroway Inn in Albuquerque, but probably there isn't. Also, I have no idea whether Blaine has one motel, or an abandoned storage building just outside it. Let's just call it creative licence, shall we?**

**And no, I don't own these wonderful characters, just borrowed them from Kripke's sandbox. I'll go give them back now… Enjoy the read!**

**~SPN~SPN~SPN~**

Castiel and his followers managed to strike down Raphael's first rebellion, and it finally seemed like order was restored in Heaven. However, Castiel refused to have Raphael killed, he was so tired of killing and bloodshed of angels. Instead he banished Raphael to the other end of the universe. However, this act of mercy was what came to be his downfall.

After only a few years, counted in human time, word reached him that Raphael was back, and gathering an army. This time, the war didn't go so well. In the end, when the two stood facing each other in the battlefield, it was clear that Raphael was the victorious one. Castiel hung his head and threw his sword to the ground at Raphael's feet.

"I surrender, if you promise to stop this slaughter of our brothers. Punish me in whatever way you find suitable, but do not harm anyone else. Enough angel blood has been shed already." Raphael laughed and his eyes glistened cruelly.

"I will do as you wish, _brother_. I will not harm another angel. But you… I will not even kill you. My punishment for you is worse than death – you shall be cast down from Heaven, and live the rest of your life as a human. And when you die… It is not Heaven you will go to."

Castiel then felt a pain greater than any other he had known. It felt like his heart, his soul, his very essence, was being carved out of him with a dull knife. And he fell. It was like Heaven opened itself under him, and he was free falling towards Earth. For a moment, he could see Raphael, smiling and holding his grace tightly, still ripping it out of him.

He felt air rush past him, and it was cold, colder than anything he had ever felt before and fell faster and faster and then –

**~SPN~SPN~SPN~**

He was lying in a field, alone and in pain. Human pain. Everything hurt, especially his shoulder blades… where he used to have his wings. He noticed he was back in his old vessel, which might have puzzled him another time, but right now he felt it didn't matter. The only thought that was ringing in his head was that he needed to find Dean Winchester. He had to. Otherwise he would perish. But if he did find Dean, everything would be all right. Not good, because how could it be, now when he had been truly cast out of Heaven, but it would be all right.

So he forced himself to his feet, wincing in pain, and unsteadily he made his way out of the field. After walking for what felt like forever, he reached the outskirts of a small town, and a motel. He sighed, digging through his pockets as he remembered the human habit of charging each other for shelter. He didn't expect to find anything, and braced himself for the thought of having to spend the night outside in the cold, but to his surprise he pulled out a roll off 100$ bills. He supposed Raphael didn't want him do die right away.

He entered the motel, and tried to remember how Dean handled things like this. He managed to get himself a room, and after a short confusion with the key, he was inside. He closed the door behind him, and instinctively crashed onto the bed. He was so tired. For a moment he thought of how strange it felt, to be tired, no exhausted, and that he should start the search for Dean, but within a minute, he was fast asleep. Everything else could wait until tomorrow.

When he woke up, he was hungry. It took a while for him to realize what the strange feeling in his stomach meant, but then he remembered that humans had to eat. He also vaguely remembered his vessel's love for meat sandwiches, and decided he should do something about this, and try a cup of coffee – Dean said it helped you keep awake and not feeling tired.

He managed to check out of the motel, fortunately the girl in the reception was nice and helpful, and after only a short search, he found a diner. He ordered a roast beef sandwich and a cup of coffee.

After hungrily devouring the sandwich, he sipped his coffee and started thinking about how to find Dean. He had no idea where the hunter could be now – he had been too busy in Heaven to keep track of a single human, and Dean could be anywhere. Then he remembered Bobby Singer- if anyone knew where Dean could be, it would be him. And more importantly, Castiel remembered where Bobby lived. However, he had no idea of how to get there.

He decided to ask someone how to get to South Dakota, since he recalled that it was how humans solved situations like these. He waved over the waitress, who was nice and helpful, and even though she didn't know how he could get to South Dakota, she gave him directions to the bus terminal, because someone there would surely know. Castiel thanked her and left.

He managed to find the way to the bus terminal, and yes, of course the woman at the desk knew how to get to South Dakota. There was even a bus going there in just a few hours, the trip would take about six hours and the ticket would cost him $30. Castiel paid her and got a small slip of paper in return. The ticket, he supposed.

He found the stop for his bus, and sat down to wait. It was just three hours to the departure. He waited patiently for ten minutes, then he noticed he had a hard time sitting still, and he realized that this probably was what the humans called being bored. He wanted to do something, he just didn't know what. He got up and started walking, he wasn't going anywhere specific, but at least he was moving. He strolled around for two and a half hour, then he returned to the bus terminal and saw that his bus was there.

Unsure of what to do, he showed the ticket to the driver, who nodded and motioned for him to take a seat. Relieved that he had done the right thing, Castiel sank down on a seat in the back of the bus, and felt grateful for the fact that his stop was the last. He had no idea of how he should get off at the right stop otherwise. Ten minutes after the bus had started moving, he was asleep.

It was dark outside when he woke up. A woman was gently shaking him, saying that this was the last stop of the bus, so it was time to get off.

Castiel felt disoriented and confused, but did as she said and exited the bus. Then he just stood at the bus stop for a while, feeling lonely and miserable. He was in South Dakota, but where exactly did Bobby live? He had no idea, and no one to ask.

He started to walk in a random direction, there wasn't much else to do. He had to rely on luck. It was a strange feeling. After walking for an hour, he saw a sign that said "Singer's salvage yard". He felt relief flowing through his body, and sped up as he walked the narrow gravel road that led to Bobby's house.

When he knocked, Bobby was startled awake, he'd fallen asleep over one of his ancient tomes as he was doing research for a new hunt he'd got wind of. He was still rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he opened the door, shotgun in hand.

"Get off my porch you son of a -! _Castiel_?" He lowered the gun, and opened the door wider, motioning for Castiel to step inside. The former angel obliged, and then stood motionless just inside the door, unsure of what to do. Bobby propped the shotgun against the wall, and fetched a small flask filled with holy water. "Drink. It's just a precaution." Castiel accepted the flask and took a swig, and Bobby seemed pleased with the result. "So, why're you here?"

"Where is Dean?" Castiel met the hunter's eyes, and Bobby thought that he'd never seen anyone looking so lost. Then he looked away and sighed.

"I don't know. Boy could be dead for all I know. I haven't heard anything from him in ages." Castiel suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe. Dean, dead?

"Wh-what?" he choked out, and Bobby motioned for him to sit down in the couch, and sat down in a chair on the opposite side of the sofa table. He had been surprised by the angel's question, and even more by his reaction to the answer.

"What, can't you just use your angel mojo and zap yourself to wherever he is?" Castiel let out a whimper and buried his face in his hands.

"No", he whispered. "No, I can't! I'm not an angel anymore. Raphael cast me out and took my grace away." A small sob escaped him, and Bobby felt at a loss of what to do. What were you supposed to do when an ex angel that you hadn't seen in years suddenly sat on your couch, crying? So he just sat there, watching Castiel as he cried.

After a while, the sobs died out, and Castiel looked up, face red and moist from tears.

"Why do you not know where Dean is?" There was no accusation in the question, he was simply wondering. Bobby sighed and looked away.

"He… he didn't take Sam's… uh, death well. He started distancing himself from everyone, buried himself in hunting. He became hell of a hunter, better than before, but this time for the wrong reasons. He wanted to forget. He wanted salvation for everything he blamed himself for, and maybe he thought he'd get it if he just killed enough evil and saved enough people. In the beginning, we kept in touch, called each other for advice on hunts, met up for a beer every now and then, even hunted together a few times, but those times became more and more rare. Two years ago, it stopped completely. God knows how many times I've tried calling him since, but he must have got a new phone number. I've tried asking around, but everyone says they don't know anything, I don't know if it's the truth or not. He might very well have told people not to tell me. Last time I heard from him, he was shitfaced, almost crying, telling me that he hurt everyone he loves, and he doesn't want it to happen again. 'I can't be close to anyone without them being hurt, and I don't know who it's worst for – me or them, because I have to live with the guilt, and it hurts so much I can't stand it'. After that, he didn't call anymore, and he made himself unreachable. Maybe he kept on hunting, maybe he ended everything then and there." Bobby rubbed his face, trying to erase the tears building in his eyes.

"No", Castiel whimpered. "He can't be dead. He has to be alive. I'd feel it if he was dead. He must be alive." He fought back a new rush of tears, hiccupped and cursed his new spectrum of emotions. He looked up at Bobby. "Will you help me find him?"

"Not that I think it's much use in tryin', but sure, I can try one last time. I'll start do dig around in the morning, after some hours of sleep. You hungry?" Castiel frowned for a moment.

"I think so."

"All right, wait here and I'll get you something. Then you should try to sleep a bit, you'll need the energy." Castiel nodded, and a few minutes Bobby emerged from the kitchen, holding a plate and glass with a bit of whiskey.

"You look like you need it", he muttered as he handed it over to Castiel. "I'll get you a blanket, you can crash on the couch tonight. Make yourself comfy." He disappeared for a minute, and returned with an old blanket. "G'night."

"Thank you." Bobby muttered something inaudible and disappeared up the stairs. Castiel sat staring at his hands for a few minutes, then sighed and grabbed the sandwich. It tasted good. When it was finished, he downed the whiskey and coughed, his eyes tearing. When he was an angel, he hadn't really felt the burn of the alcohol. Now, however, he did.

He leaned back on the couch, so he was semi-lying, and pulled the blanket over him. It was cold, but he didn't feel any urge to close his eyes and sleep. He wondered if it had anything to do with his nap on the bus.

The whole night, he lay awake, staring at the ceiling, the walls, his hands… The hours passed so slowly. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he heard Bobby come down the stairs. He sat up and attempted a smile.

"Did you sleep well?" He had a feeling that it was human politeness to ask. Bobby raised his eyebrows a bit.

"No, you?"

"No. I think I slept too much on the bus."

"Hmpf. Want breakfast?"

"Yes… please." Castiel had a sneaking suspicion that he needed to work on this politeness thing. He vaguely remembered it was considered good to add a "please" when he was offered something.

They ate their breakfast in silence. After they had finished, Bobby told Castiel to wash the dishes while he started calling all hunters he knew and might know Dean. Castiel nodded, but felt confused. How did one wash dishes? He felt embarrassed, another new emotion he didn't quite recognize, but decided to swallow what he thought was what the humans called his pride.

"Um, Bobby? How does one was dishes?" Bobby closed his eyes for a moment, he'd forgot how new the ex angel was to humanity.

"The sink's over there, you turn on the tap, add some of the soap", he motioned for a bottle with green liquid, "and scrub the plates with the brush until they're clean. Then you put them over there." Castiel nodded.

"I understand. I will do my best." Bobby tried smiling a little, and went to start calling up hunters, leaving Castiel to follow his instructions.

After twenty confusing and very _human_ minutes, Castiel was done with the dishes, and actually thought he'd done rather well. He left the kitchen only to find Bobby rubbing his head and groaning in frustration.

"No one wants to talk, they all just say they don't know. I don't know if they're lying or not."

"Is t here no way you can find out?" Bobby sighed.

"No, I doubt it. I have a few more I could call though, but if none of them give us anything, I'm done. Unless someone tells us where Dean is, we won't find him unless he wants us to, and he doesn't even know you're looking for him." He turned from Castiel, back to the phone, picked it up and dialled. Castiel stood motionless, watching him. He caught himself with thinking, _Please God, please let me find Dean_, and once again he felt like crying. Maybe God finally had abandoned the world, there had been no sign of him since Sam disappeared into the pit, and Castiel was resurrected.

Whoever Bobby had called this time picked up, and Castiel felt frustration crawl through his body.

"Yeah, hey, it's me." The other person said something Castiel couldn't hear. "Yeah, I'm fine, but I need some help, I need to find Dean Winchester. Heard anything about him lately?" There was a long pause where Castiel couldn't hear what was said, he only saw that Bobby paled and gripped the phone tighter. "Goddammit Derek, you owe me after that wendigo! Just tell me where he is, he'll never know I got it from you!" Bobby sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Ok, say that again…" He grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and scrawled down an address. "Thanks, Derek, good luck." Castiel took a step closer.

"Do you know where he is?"

"Not exactly, I know where he was three days ago. Derek ran into him in a bar in Albuquerque, New Mexico. From what Derek understood, he was still mid-hunt, so we've got a chance of still finding him there. But I can't promise you anything."

"When can we be there?" Bobby gave the ceiling a quick glance, calculating.

"If we leave now, we can be there by nightfall."

"Let's go!" For the first time, since becoming human, Castiel did not feel any unhappiness. For a short moment, he was only excited and eager to get going, to find Dean. Then what Bobby also had said sank in – he might not even still be there.

It was a long, quiet drive. They stopped twice along the way to eat, and Castiel couldn't help but feel it was a waste of time, even though he was hungry. The only thing he could think about was to get to Dean as soon as possible.

They arrived in Albuquerque just after sunset, and they started circling the city, looking for motels where Dean could possibly be.

After an hour of searching, Castiel cried out and pointed out the window. The Impala was parked outside a motel named Arroway Inn.

"Look, I see his car!" Bobby pulled into the motel's parking lot.

"You go see if you can find him, I'll wait here. I got a feeling the kid doesn't wanna see me." Castiel nodded and climbed out of the car. He walked over to the Impala, and felt a surge of relief when he saw a number on the parking space. He figured it must be the room number, which would make it easy to find Dean. He had been worried that even though they knew he was in this particular motel, they wouldn't find him, because they couldn't exactly start knocking on random doors.

"Number 14…" he muttered, and started looking. He found it fairly quickly, and his heartbeat sped up as he noticed the light in the window. Dean was there. Dean Winchester was in that room. Suddenly it felt like he couldn't breathe. What would Dean say when he saw Castiel, after all this time?

He took a deep, shaky breath and raised his hand to knock, but lowered it again. _What if he doesn't want to see me?_ He closed his eyes for a moment. He had to do this. He needed Dean. He knocked quietly.

As the seconds passed, Castiel grew more and more anxious. What if Dean didn't open? What if he wasn't alone? What if he'd just slam the door shut as soon as he realized whom it was? Castiel swallowed and knocked again, harder this time.

After what felt like an eternity, but in reality was maybe half a minute, Castiel heard footsteps on the other side of the door. He swallowed, and tried to breath normally as his heart was racing.

The door opened, and Dean stared at Castiel like he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"What the _fuck_? Cas?" Cas stared at him, and for a moment he forgot how to speak. Dean looked so different, so worn out, so tired, so sad, so… old. There were lines on his face that Castiel didn't remember, and his eyes held a both sad and furious expression. This wasn't the same man he said goodbye to those years ago.

"Dean…" He couldn't think of what to say. He had only thought as far as finding Dean Winchester, and now when he had, he had no idea what to do next.

"Cas, what are you doing here? Why aren't you up in Heaven, doing whatever you're supposed to do?"

"I… I was cast out. Raphael won the war, and he cast me out from Heaven, to live the rest of my life as a human. I – I am not an angel anymore." Dean blinked.

"You human now?" Castiel nodded and bit his lip, looking down.

"Yes, forever this time. I can never become an angel again." Dean stared at him for a minute, then pulled him into a crushing hug.

"Cas", he mutters, "Cas, what happened to you?" He let go and Castiel smiled sadly.

"I could ask you the same." Dean looked away with a slight chuckle.

"Yeah… So, uh, you wanna come in?" Castiel nodded.

"Uh…" He looked back towards the car just to see Bobby give him a slightly smile and raise his hand for a moment, before starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot. Castiel stepped into the room. It was an ordinary motel room, with Dean's bag in a corner, and one bed unmade with rumpled sheets, and the other completely untouched.

"You want a drink?"

"Yes, I'd like that." Dean poured whiskey into the toothbrush glasses, handing Castiel one and sitting down on the unmade bed. Castiel wondered where he should sit for a moment, and decided the chair would be best. He didn't know what Dean would think of him sitting on the other bed… the one that should've belonged to Sam. Dean took a sip of his whiskey, and Castiel did the same.

"So", said the hunter, "what happened? Tell me the story." Castiel swallowed uncomfortably. He didn't want to think of what had led to this, but at the same time he couldn't refuse to tell Dean about it. Not Dean.

"I…" He tried to find the words to describe everything, and found it surprisingly hard. As an angel, it had never been a problem. "I, uh, we managed to strike down Raphael's first rebellion… but he came back. Stronger, with a larger army, containing more than just angels. There were many battles, some we won, some we lost. Then there was the final battle… with both his and my entire armies. It was the first time we met, full force. It was also the first time in the second war that we directly faced each other on the battlefield. He… he and his army was the strongest, at least in numbers. When we met in the middle of the battlefield, I surrendered. I could not stand to watch any more slaughter of my brothers. I threw my sword at his feet and told him I just wanted this bloodshed to be over. If he just ended the war, he could do whatever he wanted with me… I thought he would kill me, but he was crueller than I imagined. There is no worse fate for an angel than to be cast out, to become a human. He ripped my grace out and destroyed my wings, and I fell." He rubbed his eyes, once again near crying. He could feel the emptiness that was where his grace used to be, and it ached where he should have his wings. Dean looked at him, unsure of what to say. What _do_ you say to a fallen, newly human angel? He settled on getting up, walking over to Castiel and putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Cas… it's ok." _Well that's a lie_. "It'll be ok. Being human isn't so bad, you know." Another lie. Castiel laughed bitterly through the tears he couldn't stop.

"That's coming from _you_?" Dean looked away with a sigh and returned to his whiskey. Castiel's next question made him flinch. "Now I want to hear _your_ story."

"Not much to tell really."

"I told you mine, now you should give me yours." Castiel looked him in the eye, and Dean thought that it was almost, _almost_, the same look that angel-Cas used to give him. Just slightly less… angelic. It made him sadder than he would've imagined. He hadn't heard a word from the angel in years, and simply thought he'd stopped caring, but now, when he showed up on his doorstep, human and obviously unhappy, he realized he'd probably been wrong. He also realized how much he still cared for the former angel.

"No, really. I've been hunting. Solo most of the time. That's pretty much all of it." He rubbed his face. There wasn't really much more to the story, if you wanted to make it short.

"I see you don't want to talk about it." Dean looked away and emptied his glass.

"Why did you try to find me? Why me? Why not go to some priest or church or something?" Castiel smiled sadly.

"What would I have told them? That I'm a former angel of the Lord? Do you think they would have believed me? You are the only human I know that know what I… was, and that I feel… I just knew I had to find you, that it was my only chance of surviving as a human. And…" He frowned. All these emotions were confusing. "And I missed you. We were friends, at least I believe so."

"Yeah, Cas, we're friends." Damn, he'd missed the angel. Even though he wasn't an angel anymore. "We always were." Castiel smiled.

"Good. Then I was not mistaken." He felt unsure of what to do, and sighed. What was he supposed to do now? He felt empty, even with all emotions running through him. Something was missing, and it hurt, both the lack of his grace and where his wings had been. He hissed as he thought about the pain, and felt a surge of pain. Dean looked at him.

"What's wrong?"

"It's… it's my wings. Or rather, where they should've been."

"Let me take a look." Castiel nodded and removed the trench coat and the suit jacket, and pulled the shirt up, so his back was bare.

"Yeah, I get why it hurts alright… You got two wounds on your back… it looks like… like…" He cringed at the thought. "… like someone ripped out your wings." Sure, he'd seen some, no, a lot of bad shit, but imagining someone _ripping Cas's wings out and_ leaving wounds like this, hurt and made him furious, wanting to make whoever did this pay. He felt slightly surprised at how much he actually cared for Castiel. After spending the first year after Sam jumping into the pit screaming at Heaven, shouting for Castiel, and when he didn't come, cursing him and finally giving up, not believing he'd ever see the angel again, he felt he just couldn't be angry at this… human.

"Dean… I'm sorry I never answered your prayers… I was… busy."

"How – how could you knew I was just thinking about that? Can you still… read minds and stuff?" Castiel chuckled.

"No. But I can still read you. I know you, Dean. You've changed, but not completely."

"Uh, yeah… We should clean your back. Hell, you should go take a shower. I'll see if you can wear any of my clothes." Castiel nodded, and once again, he felt ashamed over the fact that he didn't know how to do these most basic human things.

"Dean, ehm… could you show me how the shower works?" Dean laughed.

"Oh yeah… you still don't know all these things, huh?" Castiel looked down.

"No."

"Okay, come with me." Dean went into the bathroom. "That's the shower. You turn it on like this…." He turned on the water. "And you adjust the heat here. The towel that's folded on the shelf over there is clean. When you're done, I'll have found some clothes for you. 'Kay?"

"Okay." Dean left and Castiel undressed. He turned on the shower like Dean had showed him, and closed his eyes as the hot water hit him. He understood why humans liked this so much. It felt so good. He felt his body relaxing, he'd been tense without realizing it.

After a too short time, according to Castiel, Dean knocked.

"Hey, you gotta save some hot water for me!" Castiel turned the shower off and reached for the towel. He dried himself off and wrapped to towel around his waist, not wanting Dean to see him naked. It was another thing he'd understood about humans from when he was positioned on Earth, their naked bodies were something special, only to be shared with certain people, usually of the opposite sex.

He opened the door, and saw Dean wait outside it, a pile of clothes in his hands. The hunter's eyes widened for a second.

"Uh, yeah, I got you some clothes, they can do till tomorrow, then we'll get you some of your own."_ Goddamn he's beautiful! Wait, what? It's Cas, not some chick! _He handed the clothes to Castiel, who retreated to the bathroom to get dressed. Dean felt confused. Why had he checked out Cas like he'd been a woman? He grabbed the whiskey bottle and took a swig, trying to calm himself. Ok, Castiel was hot. Really hot. And seeing that… sexy, beautiful body made Dean want him.

When Castiel came out from the bathroom, Dean had managed to pull himself together.

"Uh, so, you hungry?"

**~SPN~SPN~SPN~**

The next few days were both confusing and slightly awkward, and Castiel constantly learnt more about being human. He now could operate a coffee machine, wash his hair, and use the internet, even though he still had to work on typing efficiently. He'd also bought a new cell phone, and had learned how to text all by himself, something he felt extremely sinfully proud of.

Dean got him a fake ID with the name Castiel Novak, since none of them could figure out a better last name than the one of Castiel's vessel. Dean then proceeded to teach him about hunting, and Castiel managed to learn to shoot a variety of guns reasonably well. In return, he also started teaching Dean enochian spells and sigils, if there would come a time they'd need it.

Also, Castiel learned that he liked apple pie, cheeseburgers were his favourite food, and that he didn't have his old alcohol tolerance by far.

After taking Cas to a fairly easy salt-and-burn, mainly to show him how the basics of hunting worked, Dean took them to a bar close to the motel.

"Ok, Cas, now I'll show you another important thing: how to hustle pool properly." Castiel nodded. He felt exhausted after the hunt, his muscles ached after exercise and being tossed around by the spirit. Also, he was homesick. While trying to find Dean, he had been so focused on that that he hadn't had time to really think about anything else, but after finding the hunter, he didn't have anything so specific to focus on, and started thinking more and more about Heaven. He missed his brothers and sisters, and being able to fly, and the wounds after his wings still hurt. He hated that he had to use guns and other human weapons instead of just his hands. He wished he'd been given the mercy not to remember that he used to be an angel. He wished he could forget his old life.

When Dean gave him the first beer of the night, he happily accepted it. Maybe he'd feel better drunk. He observed Dean as he hustled pool, and finished his beer. He felt a light buzz in his head, and remembered how much more it took for him to feel it… then. He ordered another beer, and tried to stay concentrated on the game, and not think about his old life.

After half an hour, Dean showed him tonight's winnings: 500$. Castiel was well into his fourth beer, and gave Dean a genuine, happy smile. His head was buzzing and he felt _good_ for the first time since… no, he shouldn't think about that. Not now.

"Rest of the drinks are on me tonight", Dean said and waved the waitress over to their table. "A bottle of Jack and two glasses." He smiled, and he could see that if he wanted to, he'd be doing her behind the building within the hour. If he wanted to.

"Do you find her attractive?" Castiel suddenly asked. Dean could hear a slight slur in his voice, and wondered how much the ex angel actually had drunk while he was playing. He shrugged.

"Yeah, I suppose. She's kinda pretty." He watched the waitress coming back to their table, long hair flowing over her shoulders. When she poured them their drinks, she bent unnecessarily low and Dean could see right into her cleavage. Yeah, he could definitely get laid if he wished to. He glanced at Castiel, who was also studying the waitress, his head cocked to the side in curiosity. He still had no experience with women, even though Dean guessed the next attempt would go better than the last, since he now couldn't see into peoples' head. Dean raised his glass. "To your first successful hunt!" They emptied their glasses, Castiel grimacing at the burn. Dean chuckled. "Is it weird to be human? Y'know, feeling all these human things?" Castiel flinched at the question, but answered, pouring himself another drink. Being drunk was nice.

"Yes, it's weird. Strange. I still don't understand everything I'm… supposed to. But I learn."

"Yeah, you do. Fast, I'd say. Next time, I'll teach you to play pool as well. Can't do it here though, they're pissed enough at me as it is." Castiel laughed and downed his second shot of whiskey.

"Do you like having me around?" Castiel suddenly asked. He'd been planning on talking to Dean about what they were going to do, if they should stick together or not, but not like this. He poured himself another shot. Dean thought for a few moments.

"Yeah, I do." _Way too much. _"You're a good friend, hell, you're the only friend I've got. So yeah, I do like having you around." Castiel downed his shot and smiled.

"I'm glad to hear you say that." He swayed slightly on his chair. The buzzing in his head had grown so much that it was hard focusing his eyes. It felt slightly uncomfortable. He started pouring them another round.

"Hey, hey buddy, Cas, I don't think you should have anymore now!" Dean took the bottle away from him. "But alright, final toast to… any suggestions?" Castiel tried to think. It was hard.

"Us", he finally said, and Dean agreed with a slight smile. They clinked their glasses together, and downed the shots. "I mean, you, me, we, uh… Dean, I don't feel good! I really don't feel good!" Instinctively he covered his mouth with his hand. Dean got up and grabbed him around the shoulders, practically dragging him to the exit. When he let go, Castiel fell forwards, and landed on his hands and knees half into the flowerbed at the wall. He took a few deep breaths and tried sitting back up. "Why do I feel –" He leaned forwards again, and threw up for the first time in his life. He retched until it felt like he was completely empty, and he fell back, only to be caught by Dean.

"How you feeling, Cas?" Dean dug a napkin out of his pocket and gave it to Castiel, who took it and wiped his mouth.

"T-t-terrible… why… what happened?"

"You had too much to drink."

"I'm sorry…"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let you have the much. Should we try to get you back to the motel?"

"Yes…"

**~SPN~SPN~SPN~**

The next morning, he woke with a hellish hangover. He buried his face in the pillow and whined that the light hurt his head and that he was still feeling sick. Dean closed the curtains and gave him some headache pills and water and told him to try to sleep it off. Castiel nodded, which he quickly regretted since it resulted in a new wave of headache and nausea.

Dean tucked him in and sat at the edge of the bed for a while, until Castiel was asleep and a bit after that, absentmindedly stroking the ex angel's hair and rubbing his temple lightly to relieve the headache slightly. He took the chance to study his friend a bit, and felt a warm surge of affection when he looked at his messy, black hair and beautiful face. He smiled at the way Castiel lay on his side, his hands tucked him under his cheek. _Damn, Cas, I don't know what you're doing to me… but I think I love you._

When Castiel woke up again, Dean was sitting at the computer, looking for a new gig.

"Hey, Cas, I think I found something. But… but I think it might be angels. I don't know exactly what it is, but four bodies have been found… one puncture wounds in the neck… and the wing shapes were burned into the ground at the bodies." Castiel suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe. He didn't want to be reminded of angels, even less possibly deal with them. It hurt too much.

"No. We're not looking in to this, please." Dean looked at him.

"Ok. I'll see if I can find something else…" Castiel sighed and looked away.

"I'm sorry… It's just… uh, angels… I never want to see one again. It hurts too much." He shrugged, trying to ignore the pain in his shoulder blades that came back at the reminder of angel wings. "I just wish that I still was one too much. I miss it, Dean, I really, really miss it. I miss… I miss being able to fly, to be as powerful as I was… I used to be the ruler of Heaven and commander of its army, and now… now I'm just a useless _human_!" He spat the last word, and it hurt Dean more than he thought it would. Cas didn't really _want_ to be with him, he'd rather be back in Heaven with his angel buddies. Maybe he'd been right in thinking that Cas had forgot about him, and only remembered his existence when he had fallen, and had nowhere else to go.

"Then why do you stay? If you hate being a human so much, why not just end it? You've got guns and ammo, it wouldn't be too hard!" _Shit, I shouldn't have said that!_ Castiel's shoulders slumped, and he turned away from Dean.

"Because I'm scared, okay? You, of all people, would know what it's like in Hell! Wouldn't you be scared of going back there?" Dean was startled. His ex angel was going to _Hell_? He used to be a frigging angel! That's should be reason enough to go to Heaven! "Yes, Dean, I'm going to Hell. Who did you think decides who goes where? Except when crossroads deals are made, it's the top-of-the-chain angels! And since Raphael is ruling Heaven now, he can do whatever he wants with me! And he doesn't want me back in Heaven in any way."

"Shit, Cas… I didn't know."

"Now you do. Now you know why I'm planning on staying here as long as possible!" He turned around. He wasn't used to this anger, and it scared him slightly. "I'm going to take a walk." He got up, grabbed his coat and left, leaving Dean staring at the door after it was slammed shut. He felt like an idiot. He shouldn't have said what he said, he shouldn't have gotten so angry… of course Cas was hurting, of course he was pissed and sad, because really, what was being human compared to being an angel? Especially being the top angel, the leader of Heaven.

He rubbed his face, thinking that maybe he should go after Cas. He wanted to apologize, say that he didn't mean what he said. He was afraid that Cas was pissed enough to leave him, and he definitely didn't want that to happen. He liked having him around, a lot. His feelings had started to scare him, why was he feeling so strongly for the ex angel? The guy he thought had abandoned him forever. He got up and grabbed his jacket; he needed to talk to Cas.

He found him after only a few minutes of searching, sitting on a bench in a park, with his head in his hands.

"Cas?" No response. "Castiel?" The ex angel lifted his head.

"Why are you here?"

"I, uh, I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier. I didn't mean it, Cas, I'm sorry." Castiel got up.

"Apology accepted. Now could you please leave? I wish to be alone, Dean. Please." He looked at Dean, who looked down.

"Look, Cas, I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said, please don't be angry with me." He looked up, and found Cas staring at him with almost his old, angelic look, and knew that if he could, the ex angel would've flown away by now. "Are you leaving, Cas? Are you leaving me?" Castiel sighed and looked away.

"I don't know. Maybe. I – I just need some time to think." He turned around and started to walk away, and Dean hardly knew what he was doing, he just knew that he just couldn't let Cas leave. He couldn't handle the thought of yet another person he loved leaving him, least of all Cas… not again. He couldn't take it.

He ran after his friend, and when he caught up with him, he grabbed his shoulder, spinning him around, and wrapped his arms around him, kissing him on the lips. _Oh God, Cas, please don't leave me, please, please, please, I can't stand losing you again!_ He pulled back, staring into Cas's eyes, which were wide with shock.

"Please, Cas… please don't leave. Not again. Please!" His voice cracked, and he let go of Cas. "Just… please." Cas just stared at him, shocked at what Dean had just done. Not that it had been unpleasant, it was just… unexpected. He remembered that during the time when Dean was his charge, and he had begun to feel emotions, he had felt something for Dean he had not been able to identify… something similar to the emotions that now rushed through his body. He blinked.

"Dean, I – just… what the –?" Dean took a step back, blushing.

"Shit, Cas… I'm sorry. I – I don't know why I did that. Sorry…" He backed a few more steps, looking panicked. "Sorry…" He turned away and started walking back to the motel, thinking that now he'd really screwed up, ruined every chance of getting Cas back.

He slammed the motel door behind him, and dug through his pack for the whiskey he always kept there. He found it and took a deep swig.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" he yelled, put the bottle on the table and sunk down on the bed, burying his face in his hands. "What did I do? Why did I do that? Why do I always screw up?" He shook with dry sobs. Then another thought hit him. _Wait, what the Hell? What did I just do? Did I kiss _Cas_? He's a dude! _He grabbed the whiskey bottle again. Getting seriously smashed seemed to be an excellent idea.

**~SPN~SPN~SPN~**

Hours later, Castiel quietly opened the door to the motel room, to find Dean asleep on his bed, fully clothed and a half empty bottle of whiskey on the floor. Castiel closed the door behind him, hanged up his coat and walked over to Dean's bed, took the whiskey bottle and put it on the nightstand. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed, and looked at Dean, who seemed to have a nightmare.

He moved restlessly on the bed, whimpering slightly.

"Cas, Cas, please…!" he whispered. "Cas, please…" A few tears escaped from his eyes, and Castiel felt his heart melt, or at he guessed the expression must mean this feeling. He carefully caressed Dean's cheek, wiping away a tear.

"Dean", he said. "Dean, wake up. It's me." Dean woke with a start, pushing himself away from Castiel, reaching for the knife under the pillow. Castiel grabbed his wrist. "Dean, it's ok. It's me." Dean relaxed and pulled away from Castiel's grasp.

"Cas… what are you doing here? I thought you'd left." Castiel shook his head.

"No. I… thought about it. But I found I couldn't leave you. I – I don't quite know what it is, but I want to be with you. Be close to you." Dean sat up. He'd been so sure he'd lost Cas forever that it was a shock to see him again, he almost thought he was still dreaming… but that would have surprised him just as much, since almost all his dreams were nightmares.

"Why?" was all he could think of saying. Castiel leaned forward a bit, and cupped Dean's face in his hand, caressing his cheek with his thumb.

"Because…" He didn't know how to describe it. "Because when I thought about leaving you, I felt all cold and empty… but when I returned, and saw you again, I felt warm, on the inside… and good. Like it was the right thing. And… and when you… kissed me…" Dean looked away, blushing and feeling ashamed. Castiel's light pressure on his cheek forced him to turn back, and he looked into the ex angel's eyes, seeing no judgement or anger. "…it felt good. I was shocked, yes, but it felt good. Did it mean something to you, Dean?" He knew of Dean's history with women, and was afraid that this might be something similar… that Dean was just curious, interested, but nothing deeper than that. If that was the case… he would leave again. For good. He looked at the hunter.

"Cas…" Dean felt at a loss of words. He was still processing that the ex angel didn't hate him, and his thoughts seemed sluggish. Castiel turned away and started to rise from the edge of the bed. Dean realized that if he didn't do something quickly, he'd lose this second chance. "Cas, wait!" Castiel sat back down. "Yes, it did mean something. A lot. _You_ mean a lot to me." Castiel turned back to look at him. "I – I even think I love you, Cas." Castiel didn't need more reassurance than that. He reached out to touch Dean's cheek, slowly leaning forwards until they were only an inch apart.

"So does it mean you want it to happen again?" Dean answered by closing the distance between them, kissing Cas for the second time that day. This time, however, they took their time. For a moment, his previous realization that Castiel was a man went through his head, but when Castiel buried his fingers in Dean's hair and pulled him closer, he thought "_fuck it_", and just enjoyed the feeling of Castiel's lips on his.

The kiss was soft, gently, and held nothing of the desperation the previous one had been full of. Castiel let his tongue swipe over Dean's lower lip, silently asking for permission. Dean opened his mouth and their tongues met, and Castiel managed to worm out of the trench coat without breaking the kiss.

The rest of the night, they laid together, just exploring each other, kissing, touching. For Castiel, this was an entirely new experience, he'd never been with anyone like this before, and for Dean it was almost equally strange, since his experience begun and ended with women. Dean was aroused, of course he was, how could he not be when this beautiful man was kissing him, and softly caressing him? Yet he didn't feel any need to have sex, not right now, which he thought was strange. But he was fully content just laying there, touching and being touched.

Somewhere around dawn, they fell asleep, arms and legs entwined, Castiel's head resting on Dean's chest. The last thing he thought before he drifted off was that he could hear Dean's heartbeat, and it was the best sound in the world.

**~SPN~SPN~SPN~**

Castiel was the first to wake up. For a moment he wondered why he was in Dean's bed, holding and being held by Dean. Then he remembered the day before. The fight, the kiss, the hours away from Dean, and then… his face felt hot, and he realized he was blushing. He started to untangle himself from Dean, thinking that it might be better to get back to his own bed.

Dean moved in his sleep, pulling Castiel closer to him, mumbling his name. Castiel inhaled the hunter's scent, softly kissing his shoulder.

"Dean, wake up", he whispered, slowly trailing his fingers down Dean's chest and stomach. "Wake up…"

"Mmmmf…" Dean snuggled closer, and Castiel started trailing small kisses over his collarbone and up his neck. He was acting on pure instinct, not really knowing what he was supposed to do, and just followed what he'd seen other couples doing. And it seemed to work, as Dean let out small sounds of pleasure, even though he was still asleep. Castiel smiled. Some human things weren't bad at all. Like this. Like love, the human kind of love. Right now, he didn't miss being an angel at all.

Dean turned in his sleep, so he was half on top of Castiel, arm draped over his stomach and his leg around one of Castiel's. No, being human maybe wasn't so bad after all. Castiel placed a light kiss on Dean's cheek.

"Good morning, angel." Dean smiled and opened his eyes. Castiel kissed him.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah. First good night's sleep in ages. I had my own teddy angel, who wouldn't sleep good then?" Castiel laughed and Dean smiled at him, hugging him closer. "Who would've thought that, that I'd one day wake up naked in bed with the Holy Tax Accountant that raised me from Hell?" Castiel placed his hand over the scar on Dean's arm, his hand fitting perfectly over it.

"Yes, who would have thought that." Dean covered his hand with his own.

"So, this is what you want?" Castiel nodded. It was what he wanted, all he wanted. He wanted Dean. Now he finally knew what the emotion he hadn't been able to identify was. It was love. The kind that humans feel for each other. He wanted Dean in every way, he wanted to be close, as close as possible.

"Is this what you want?"

"Hell yes! Cas, I haven't felt this good in years, I think you even make me happy." Castiel kissed him, and managed to untangle himself from Dean, just to crawl on top of him, straddling his waist. Dean gasped with surprise, but reached up and stroked Castiel's hair. "I want you." Castiel leaned down to kiss him, and rubbed their lower bodies together, making Dean arch his hips, pressing closer to Castiel.

"I want you, Dean. I've wanted you for a long time now." He kissed the hunter, not soft and curiously this time, but hard and full of lust. He wanted Dean, for the first time he was trembling and aching with lust, and for the first time in his existence he wondered why lust was considered to be a sin. How could something like this, something that felt so good and beautiful, be a sin?

Dean caressed his back, and started to kiss and nibble on his neck. Castiel gasped, these new sensations were amazing. He pressed his lower body closer to Dean's, making the hunter moan.

"I need you, Cas, I need you!"

"And you have me, Dean. I'm yours, always have been", he whispered into Dean's ear, his tongue finding a spot just behind it that made Dean gasp and grip him tighter. "Ever since the day I dragged you out of Hell, I have belonged to you." Once again he covered the scar on Dean's arm with his hand, sucking and nibbling on the hunter's earlobe. Dean arched his back and bucked his hips.

"C-Cas, I want you, I _need_ you!" Castiel traced his fingertips over Dean's stomach, lower and lower until he found Dean's cock, hard and already wet. He gripped it and stroked up and down a few times, unsure of what to do. Instinct led him pretty well, but it was still so new. He just did what he felt he wanted Dean to do to him.

Dean gasped and threw his head back, sure, he'd had both himself and other people to do that to him before, but this… this was new. This time it was _Cas_ doing it, and however new he was to this, it felt amazing. With one hand, he pulled Castiel into another kiss, and with the other he reached down, finding his ex angel's cock, and started stroking it, first slowly, but as Cas moaned his name and started stroking Dean harder, he sped up his movements.

"I – I – love – oh God, Dean!" Cas came with a cry, and it felt like the world stopped for a few moments. His cry made Dean reach the edge and fall over, and he came, muffling his moan in Cas's neck. For a little while, they just lay there, panting and exhausted, not saying a word, just holding and caressing each other. Then Dean reached for a used t-shirt that was lying on the floor and wiped them off.

"That was – that was amazing, Cas." Castiel nodded sleepily. He felt exhausted, but good. He didn't understand how what they just did could be considered a sin, why would it be so bad do be with the one you love, man or woman? He wrinkled his forehead, thinking that maybe it was good he wasn't an angel anymore, they seemed to be wrong about so much. But when Dean whispered "I love you, Cas" into his ear, he stopped caring completely. Sin or not, it felt right, it was what he wanted.

"And I you, Dean."

**~SPN~SPN~SPN~**

The next weeks, they were happy. They were together, and they were in love. They hunted in the days, and made love in the nights, slowly exploring each other. Castiel got to see a new side of Dean, the sweet, caring side that he usually hid. But now, he just let all facades fall, when he realized that Castiel wouldn't leave him, that he loved all of Dean.

The night when Dean finally let go, and opened himself completely to Castiel, was a few days after when they first made love, and admitted their love. Castiel woke up in the middle of the night, because Dean was moving around, almost pushing Castiel out of bed, since they were still sharing a narrow single bed.

"Dean, Dean, wake up!" he said, but got no reaction from the hunter. "Dean!" He shook him slightly. "Dean!"

"Sam!" Dean suddenly sat up, eyes wide open, breathing hard. Castiel wrapped his arms around him, and Dean hugged him back, clinging to him like Castiel was the only thing that kept him from drowning. "Sam…" he whispered. "I miss him… and I dream about him, about him in the cage, with Lucifer and Michael, and – and – and they're doing terrible things to him and he's screaming, screaming for me to save him, and both Lucifer and Michael tells me it's my fault he's in there because if I'd just said yes he wouldn't be there with them and –" He buried his face in Castiel's shoulder and just sobbed. "I miss him, Cas, I miss him so much!"

"I know, Dean, it's ok, it's ok", Castiel whispered, stroking Dean's back. He didn't know what to say, Sam had not been mentioned once they had met again. Dean had not brought him up, and Castiel had felt that unless Dean didn't want to talk about, he wouldn't have to. And now, he had no idea of what to say. So he just held Dean and kissed the hair and forehead until the hunter's breathing had slowed down and he'd stopped crying.

After that night, Dean didn't see the point in trying to hide anything from Cas. Why would he? He loved Cas, he loved having him around, he felt safe sleeping in his arms, and he wished it could last forever. But since good things do happen but never last for Dean Winchester, he knew it wouldn't, so why waste the time they could get of hiding things from each other?

So they talked, talked about everything. Dean finally told Cas about the years without Sam, and Castiel told Dean of the war in Heaven, and what it had felt like being cast out, how it had felt becoming a human after being an angel.

"But maybe it isn't that bad", Castiel said one day. "Not anymore. With you, being human is good." Dean smiled.

"I'm glad you think so, Cas." He really wished it could last forever. He'd had relationships before, but not like this. He'd always had to watch what he said with the other girls, or, when he actually told them what he did, they'd thought he was nuts and dumped him. Not Cas. Cas knew him, he'd even seen and touched his fucking _soul_, and he still loved him. This just made him more convinced that it was way too good to last. But he decided not to care, and just cherish the time he could have with his angel, as he still thought of Cas.

**~SPN~SPN~SPN~**

One night, they were eating Chinese takeout in their motel room after finishing off a poltergeist in Nevada, they half jokingly, half seriously talked about the future. About maybe not hunting forever, but settling down somewhere, together.

"Yeah, you kissing me goodbye every morning when I go to work somewhere, and greet me with a freshly baked pie in the evening… yeah." Dean laughed and fed Castiel a piece of a fortune cookie, then unwrapped the piece of paper in it. "'Do not hesitate to follow your heart.' Hmm, would could that mean?"

"What does your heart say?" Castiel tilted his head in a way he hadn't done much since becoming human, and Dean couldn't help but smile.

"That I should be with you. That I should stick to my ex angel whatever happens, because he makes me happy. What does yours say?" Castiel smiled.

"About the same." Castiel's phone rang. He fished it out of his pocket and flipped it open. "Yes?"

"_Cas? I've got a case for you guys."_

"Hello to you too, Bobby." Dean looked up from his noodles. "What is it?"

"_Demons. There's been a bunch of demonic omens over this little town, Blaine, in Wisconsin, and maybe the two of you could check it out."_ Castiel looked at Dean, unsure of how much he'd heard.

"Put him on loudspeaker." Castiel handed the phone over to Dean, who pressed a button, and suddenly both of them could hear Bobby's voice.

"_Cas?"_

"Sure, we'll do it. What exactly have you heard?" Dean said. They could hear Bobby inhale sharply.

"_Dean?_

"Yeah, it's me. So, uh, what've you heard?" Dean looked down, uncomfortable. He'd missed Bobby, a lot, and was sure that the older hunter hated him by now.

"_It's so good to hear your voice, boy!" He looked up._

"Yours too, Bobby. Look, uh, I'm sorry it's been so long." He tried to think of something better to say, something that would make up for the years without a single call.

"_It's alright, Dean. Don't worry about it. But it's damn good to hear your voice again."_

"Uh, yeah. So, uh, this hunt?"

"_Yeah, there's been a crazy amount of omens around this little town, Blaine, there's been lightning storms, cattle mutilations, temperature fluctuations, you name it. Everything points to demons being there. I thought you could take a look."_

"Yeah, sure. We can head there tomorrow." Dean looked at Castiel, who nodded his approval. "Uh, Bobby?"

"_Yeah?"_

"When we're done with this, you want us to swing by your place for a couple of days? Catch up, you know, since it's been a while."

"_I'd like that. Take care of yourselves now, and good luck."_ They heard the click signifying that Bobby had hung up.

"So, demons, huh? It's been a while." Dean handed the phone back to Castiel.

**~SPN~SPN~SPN~**

They started the journey in the morning, driving for almost ten hours before pulling into a motel. They'd stopped for dinner just a few hours earlier, so as soon as they had checked in, they went to bed. They'd snuggled up together, and Castiel had his face buried in Dean's neck.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Dean absentmindedly stroked his hair.

"Oh?"

"I don't know what it is… it just feels wrong. Bad. It's probably nothing though, it's been a while since I dealt with demons… and I've never dealt with them as a human."

"It'll be ok, Cas." Dean kissed the top of Castiel's head and they drifted off to sleep, except that Castiel's was filled with nightmares, and left him as tired when he woke up as when he fell asleep.

**~SPN~SPN~SPN~**

They checked into Blaine's only motel, reasoning that it would be better to get some food, a good night's sleep and some research done before they actually started looking for the demons. They found the centre of the activity, or at least what seemed to be it, and decided to go there first thing in the morning.

When they woke up, they had breakfast, and then went over their arsenal: Ruby's knife, the Colt, Dean's gun, a sawed-off loaded with rock salt.

"Okay, it should be enough. The Colt's full with bullets, so is my gun, we have extra salt rounds. You ready to go, Cas?" Castiel nodded. He still hadn't managed to shake away the bad feeling about this.

They got into the car, and Cas just felt more and more uneasy as they got closer to their destination. Something bad was going to happen, he could feel it. He just didn't know what it was.

They parked the car outside an old storage building, and the moment Castiel opened the door, he knew they'd found the place. The smell of sulphur was in the air, and for it to be this strong with no demons in sight, there must be a lot of them fairly close.

"Ok, here we go." Dean handed Castiel the knife and the shotgun. "Let's kick some demon ass." Castiel didn't reply, all he wanted was to get back into the Impala and leave the place. He gripped the knife and quickly recited an enochian exorcism in his head, and was relieved when he remembered it without any problems.

They encountered the first demons right after entering the building. There were four of them, standing as they were guarding the door. After a short fight, the demons lay dead on the floor.

They kept going, and the lack of more demons worried Castiel, since the smell of sulphur only got stronger. After a while, they reached a door, which was most definitely guarded by two demons, one male and one female.

"What have we got here! The hunter whose little brother jumped into the pit with Lucifer, and the angel who couldn't keep peace in Heaven and was kicked out!" Castiel winced. Meg. He gripped the knife tighter. "I heard you're human now, Cassie! Oh, isn't that a shame… what is being a useless little human compared to being an angel!" Castiel stepped forward and raised the knife, but Meg was faster. He found himself pinned against the wall, unable to breath. "Well, well, well, angel boy, not much you can do against us now!" She laughed.

"Well, it's a shame you think so, because –" She turned around and Dean pulled the trigger on the Colt, the bullet hitting her between the eyes. "- I can do this." Castiel collapsed on the floor, coughing, just as the other demon jumped Dean, trying to get to him with a knife. Castiel saw Dean hit the demons arm, so the knife missed Dean's chest, and cut into his arm instead. Castiel crawled over to the knife, took it and got to his feet.

"Leave him alone!" The demon turned his attention to Castiel for a moment, and that was all Dean needed to wrestle free and grab the demon, giving Castiel the chance to stab him.

Castiel pulled out the knife and wiped it clean on the demon's clothes.

"Dean, you okay?" The hunter held his left arm, cursing under his breath. Blood was running down his arm, dripping from his hand. "Let me take a look." Dean shrugged off his jacket, and Castiel winced slightly when he saw the cut. It wasn't dangerous, but it was deep. "We'll stitch it up tonight." Castiel took the belt from his trench coat, and wrapped it tightly around Dean's arm. "That'll do for now." He bent down and kissed the skin next to the bandage.

"Thanks, Cas." Dean smiled. "Let's go." He put his jacket back on, and moved to open the door.

"Dean, wait!" Dean turned around. "You saw how they were, it was like they're guarding something. Something big. Six demons just to guard a door that isn't even the front one. Maybe we should call some other hunters and wait for reinforcement?" Dean thought for a moment.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. Should we go back to the motel and call around, see who's available, and come back tomorrow?" Castiel nodded, the bad feeling he had receded slightly.

"Sure." Then they heard the scream. It was desperate, frightened and human.

"No no no no no no no please please don't no no no, I don't have anything you need! Please please don't noo!" Then they couldn't catch any more words, only a wordless, desperate cry.

"We can't wait now, Cas." Dean looked at him, gripping the Colt tight.

"I know." The scream got higher, more desperate and frightened. "Let's go. Now."

"Hang on, I need to call Bobby, but it'll be quick." Dean already had the phone to his ear. "Bobby, there's something big going down here, really big. Call up anyone you can find, send them to the abandoned storage building just outside Blaine. Be quick!" He hung up. "Ok, let's go." They walked to the door, positioning themselves on either side of it. Castiel carefully opened the door, and the scene that met them made them both gasp.

Inside, there were at least thirty demons, all of them busy with different things, and in the middle of the room, a giant pentagram was drawn, and in the middle of it, there was an altar, with a young, naked woman tied to it. She was bleeding from a few cuts, and her eyes were wide open with fear.

Some of the demons were placing candles and other things that Castiel didn't wish to know what they were on the points of the pentagrams, another was drawing something around the altar, and even from his distance, Castiel could see that it was enochian words and symbols. However, he couldn't read it, he was too far away. He turned to Dean.

"I think they're preparing a summoning ritual. And – and I don't think it's a demon they're summoning… they're using enochian", he whispered. "This is bad, Dean, really bad."

"Shit", Dean muttered. "We need to try to save the girl and stop them, though. We can't just let her die." One of the demons went over to the girl, a small bowl in one hand and a knife in the other. The girl struggled with the ropes, but couldn't move enough to get away. The demon cut her arm, and let the blood flow into the bowl, while the girl screamed. He put the bowl in the last point of the pentagram, and poured something into it, and it ignited, white flames and smoke erupting from the bowl.

Castiel and Dean looked at each other, and mouthed "now", and ran towards the altar, Dean shooting one demon and Castiel stabbing another.

"Cas, look out!" Dean shouted, and Cas spun around, raising the knife, only for it to clatter to the ground as a demon grabbed him, pinning his arms to his body. Dean lunged for it, but before he was there, another demon grabbed hold of him from behind. They were dragged to the wall, the demons holding them too tight for them to have any chance of escaping.

The other demons seemed to have finished the preparations for whatever ritual they were performing, and went to stand in a circle around the pentagram. Castiel fought to break free from the demon's hold, knowing that he _cannot let them finish their ritual, no matter the cost_, but the demon was too strong, and he's just a weak human now.

The leader demon went to the altar, raising a knife over the girl, who seemed to be too terrified to even scream. Castiel continued to struggle against the demon's grasp, and cursed that he didn't have his angelic strength anymore. Then the leader demon started to chant in enochian, Castiel suddenly got what they were trying to do.

"No!" he screamed, and Dean wondered what suddenly got him so upset, sure, the situation is pretty damn bad, but why now? Then he heard the flutter of wings, and saw six angels appear in the room, swords raised in their hands. _Shit_. Dean barely managed to think that single word, which he thought summed up the situation pretty well, before the angels have cut down the first demons, but when Cas screamed again, Dean knew it was too late. The moment the first demon fell, the leader demon brings the knife down into the girl's heart, and when her blood flooded onto the floor, Dean screamed too – the blood begun to form a spiral pattern on the floor, one that he recognized from that night in St Mary's.

The angels freeze, and Castiel stops struggling against the demon's hold, and the only thought in Dean's head is "no no no no no no not again!" as the leader demon raises his arms.

"Come, Samael, master, and walk the Earth with us again!" Then he turns to the angels. "You're too late, as always!" Cas screams again, and Dean sees why, because the girl's blood has stopped flowing. The angels seem to regain their ability to move, and one of them flies forward and runs his sword through the leader demon, but Castiel swears he can hear the leader demon laugh as he dies, and Castiel knows that the angels were too late, because as the demon hits the floor, a bright light shoots from the blood spiral.

Castiel barely registers that the demon holding him suddenly lets go, and he falls to the floor, despair surging through him. He can hear Dean screaming his name, but can't bring himself to react until Dean throws his arms around him, crouching at his side, shielding their eyes form the burning light.

Then the light disappears, and Dean pulls back, carefully getting on his feet, Castiel following. They hear the demons laugh, one of them shouting:

"Yes, kill us! You can do that, it doesn't matter, because we've won anyway! We raised him, we raised Samael, the other fallen! The archangel of death! We raised him and you couldn't stop us!" Castiel whimpers, and Dean takes his hand, pulling him towards the door they came from. They need to get out. Fast. Behind them the angels are fighting again, and as they run towards the door, they can hear the pained screams from the demons, and the sound of sword piercing flesh.

When they reach the door, Dean almost have the time to think that soon, soon they'll be out, before he tries to open the door, and it doesn't budge.

"The angels, it must be, they don't want anyone to get out", Castiel whispers, cursing that he didn't see this coming, even though it wouldn't make any difference.

"We still need to get out!" Dean hisses back. "Let's try the front door, we might be able to sneak past them." Castiel nods, though he knows all other doors will be sealed as well. When he was an angel, he would've pointed this out to Dean and zapped them out, but now he realizes it's the best shot they've got. Also, he thinks, it's hardly the time nor the place to think about that right now.

They press themselves to the wall, trying to sneak around the room without anyone noticing them, but demons spots them. He runs towards them, and before Dean has the chance to react, he's pinned against the wall and the demon is holding Cas with Ruby's knife to his throat. Castiel must have dropped it when the demon attacked. Dean struggles to break free, but the demonic powers holding him to the wall can't be broken by pure will.

"Cas!" he tries to shout, but his voice is choked. The demon leers at him for a moment and turns to the angels.

"Hey, angels! I've got Castiel, don't you want to save him? You must've made him human for a reason, instead of killing him! Let us go, I'll let him go!" The angels actually stop fighting, and for a moment their attention is not on the battle. A demon sees the chance, and lungs at one of the angels, taking him by surprise. Dean sees the demon taking the angel's sword and then he's forced to look away, blinded by the bright white light that signifies the death of an angel.

The angels seemingly don't acknowledge what just happened, and Dean feels his heart break when the leader angel speaks.

"Castiel is no concern of ours", and resumes the fighting.

"Then you don't care if I do this!" the demon shouts, and takes the knife from Castiel's throat, just to raise it and bring it down, stabbing Castiel in the side, burying the knife all the way to the hilt, and twisting the knife. Castiel screams in agony, and Dean managed to break free, as the demon's attention leaves him for a moment. And a moment is all he needs; he tackles the demon, who drops Castiel, ripping the knife from his side. Dean grabs hold of the demon's wrist as he raises the knife again, this time determined to bury it in Dean's heart.

Dean wrestles the demon for the knife, and the adrenaline pumping through him, not even the demon's more-than-human strength is enough to stop him. He manages to take the knife from the demon's hand, and slits her throat, feeling a moment's satisfaction in seeing the light pulse through her body and the pain and sudden fear in her eyes, before she is completely dead.

He rushes over to Castiel, who is lying on the floor, clutching his side and a pool of blood forming around him. He coughs, blood bubbling up and running down his chin, and all Dean can think is _no no no, Cas, no!_ but Castiel looks at him, eyes full of pain, and barely manages to choke out:

"Go…" Another cough, more blood coming from his mouth, "…fight them, I'm f-fine." He spits out more blood, closing his eyes. His breathing is fast and way too shallow, but Dean obeys him. He sees the demon with the angel blade, and without thinking he runs to him, tackling him to the ground, slitting his throat with the knife and takes the sword from his hand before the pulsing light has gone out.

"Hey, you feathery bastards!" he cries out, and the angels turn to him, and then everything is chaos. Dean fights them all, angels and demons alike, cutting down demons wherever he can, and runs the blade through two of the angels, not stopping to see the white light of their grace dying.

When he reaches the leader angel, he meets resistance for the first time, the others have been too surprised to put up a fight. The two angel blades clash, and Dean dodges the next blow, forcing his sword upwards, piercing the angel's throat just below the chin.

"That's for Cas, you feathery dick!" This time, he watches the light, trying to feel satisfaction over the fact he's at least getting revenge. When the leader angel falls to the floor, Dean notices that it's oddly quiet around him, the fighting seems to have stopped. He turns around, and sees the angels stand still, ready to depart, swords hidden again, and all the demons lie dead on the floor. He looks at the angels, not sure what to do now, but then one of the angels speak.

"You killed our brothers, Dean Winchester. Raphael will hear of this, and he will not be pleased." Dean feels anger surging through him,

"You and your brothers let the demons… hurt Cas!" He tries to shout it, but feels his throat constricting, the words ending up being a broken whisper. He can't bring himself to say "kill", even though he knows that no one survives a wound like that. "So you can go and tell Raphael that he can come and give me all his archangelic wrath, I don't care, I'm ready!" He hisses it through clenched teeth, gripping the angel sword tight. He refuses to break eye contact with the angel, whose eyes are flaming with anger. For a moment, it looks like the angel is moving towards Dean, sword once again in his hand, but he changes his mind. And then, with a flutter of wings, the angels are gone, leaving Dean breathing hard and trying to force back the tears burning in his eyes and clouding his vision.

He rubs a hand over his face, wiping away the tears that managed to escape. Then he hears a pained groan behind him. _Cas_. He rushes to Castiel's side, dropping to his knees. He lets go of the angel sword, stroking a hand through Castiel's hair instead.

"Cas", he says, his voice a hoarse whisper. Castiel tries to move, to reach up to touch Dean's face, but when he lifts his arm a new wave of pain surges through him, and he clutches his side, whimpering. He tries to take a deep breath, but it gets stuck somewhere, causing him to cough, and blood fills his mouth again, running down his cheek.

Dean bends down, lifting Castiel into his arms. Castiel groans in pain, but leans into Dean's chest, relaxing slightly. Dean pushes Castiel's coat to the side, and winces when he sees the blood soaked shirt, blood still leaking from the wound. Castiel is pale, way too pale, and his breathing is laboured.

"Shh, Cas, it's okay, I got you", Dean mumbles into his ear, the words painfully familiar. Last time he held someone like this, it was Sam, after he was stabbed by that other psychic kid, Jake or something. What he was feeling then mirrors what he feels now, but this time, he doesn't try to reassure Cas, or himself, that it's not that bad, that it'll be alright, because he knows it's not. It's not alright, because Cas is _dying_, and he can't do shit about it. He wipes away the freshest trickle of blood on Cas' cheek. "Cas?" Castiel opens his eyes, slowly, like it takes all the willpower he has.

"Dean…" It hurts to speak. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to move. He's cold. But it feels good to be close to Dean. He's warm and gentle. Castiel looks at him, wishing he could take away the hurt and despair in his eyes. "I'm scared." Dean looks away, wishing he could tell Cas that he shouldn't be, but he can't, because he knows where he's going. Castiel's eyes slip shut again.

"Cas, no, no, stay with me, Cas!" Castiel tries to take a breath, but coughs, more blood bubbling from his mouth, and Dean holds him tighter, like he could make him stay by clinging on to him, but Castiel is so cold, and Dean leans his forehead on Castiel's. "Cas, no, no, please…" Castiel opens his eyes again, trying to focus on Dean's face, but fails, everything is fuzzy.

"It d-doesn't hurt… anymore", he whispers, and Dean starts crying, burying his face in Castiel's hair.

"Cas, _no_…" Castiel goes limp in his arms, and when Dean looks at his face, he sees a small, white light in his eyes, maybe a reflection of light from the windows, maybe it's the last piece of his grace burning out.

**~SPN~SPN~SPN~**

Dean held Castiel's body for what felt like forever, tears dripping onto his pale, way too still face.

"Cas, please, please, no, don't be gone, you can't be dead", he whispered, kissing his now cold forehead, over and over again, "you know I can't live without you, I need you…" It felt like his heart had been ripped to pieces, like his soul had died with Cas. For the first time, he'd found someone who loved him despite knowing everything, good and bad, and now, now he'd lost everything, again. After just a few blissful weeks, after finally being _happy_ for a while, his happiness, his everything, was ripped from him, because good things do happen to Dean Winchester, they just don't ever last.

He tried to wipe away the blood from Castiel's face, only to find that the blood had dried. He sighed, and after carefully laying Castiel on the floor, he took off his jacket, folded it and placed it under Castiel's head. He almost managed to create the illusion that his angel is only sleeping. If it wasn't for the pool of blood, maybe he would've believed it.

After caressing Castiel's now cold cheek a final time, Dean got up. Cas was dead, Sam was… gone, he had nothing left. He could still feel tears streaming down his face, but all he felt was emptiness, like a giant Castiel shaped hole had opened inside him, swallowing everything else. He had nothing to lose anymore.

He took the angel sword again, determined to at least put up a fight. And if he could, he would try to pay back a little bit for Cas' suffering. He still couldn't just give up. He turned his face towards Heaven, tears still leaking, but his eyes were hard with determination.

"Raphael!" he screamed, voice breaking with a choked sob. "Raphael, you bastard, come down here! You son of a bitch, just come down and smite me already!" He gripped the sword tight and waited, knowing it wouldn't be long now. He could hear sudden thunder outside, and a light bulb exploded over his head. Soon, soon it would all be over. "RAPHAEL!"

**~SPN~SPN~SPN~**

**Yep, I'm evil. But I hope you enjoyed it! If you did, I'd be very happy if you pressed the review button over there *points* Thanks for reading!**


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